


I'd been hoping fate would bring us together (we keep falling out of place)

by fernitron007



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Divergence, Canon until Order of the Phoenix, F/M, M/M, Marauders era, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-05-16 20:01:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5839069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fernitron007/pseuds/fernitron007
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This was it, this was how he finally died. He tried reaching out to the figure in white, but he couldn’t move and the pain was overwhelming. He tried yelling and crying, but he couldn’t wake up, he couldn’t stop falling."<br/>The Veil gives Sirius a second chance, but miracles come with a price.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, guys. I wrote this a few months ago, and it honestly feels wrong. But I like the concept and I don't really have the will to write it again. The first chapter is choppy, but I promise the rest is better written.  
> Hoping you don't completely hate me after this xD

The hot summer air called to him and he longed to answer. He hadn’t seen the sky in a long time. It was days like these that he actually missed being on the run. It might sound ridiculous, eating rats and stealing Prophets out of the garbage wouldn’t sound appealing to most people, but he would give anything to go back to it. Scaring birds into trees, rolling around in the grass, he missed it. He missed freedom, the freedom he associated with being Padfoot.

But now he was trapped, Sirius was always trapped.

He had been brooding all morning, looking through the windows in the drawing room, feeling envious of every blissfully ignorant muggle that walked by. The house had been empty for a few days now, his mood quickly decaying with each couple of hours. Every member of the Order had been keeping busy, and maybe his sanity was crumbling because he would’ve even welcomed Mad Eye with a smile. Term was nearly over at Hogwarts and he was counting down the days until Harry came back. He’d talk to Dumbledore, convince him Harry was better off with him (or at least to bring him back early).

He could hear the clock ticking in the background but didn’t look away from the window, his eyes settled on the sky. He had been so immersed in his thoughts that he was startled when a sideways glance at the clock told him it was already six in the afternoon. His stomach complained and he grinned to himself. Hating everything would have to wait. He’d give Buckbeak a little something and then he’d have a late lunch, maybe call Remus and ask him if he was free.

“Oh Buckbeak!” he sang, as he climbed the stairs with a few dead ferrets. When he entered his mother’s room he couldn’t help smiling. The hippogriff had made a nest out of the bed, scratched every wall and shredded the carpet. He was sitting in his nest with what was probably a huge goofy grin (or so he imagined it that way).

“You are the best resident the most Ancient House of Black has ever had!” he said playfully, while he caressed his feathers. Buckbeak was pleased and looked like he was about to purr, but as soon as he caught a whiff of the ferrets, all affection was gone. Sirius was used to the animal’s mood swings, so he threw him a ferret and left the rest on the ground. He watched the animal devour a few of them with joy. At least someone was happy. He was headed down to the kitchen when he heard somebody shut the front door.

“Padfoot!?” His ears tensed to recognize the voice. But before he identified it, his mother’s portrait started screaming. Oh, crap.

“Filth! Scum! Half-breeds, blood traitors, mudbloods, be gone from the noble house of Black!”

“Oh, shut up you old hag! SHUT UP!” He shouted even louder than her as he ran downstairs and helped the visitor force the curtains closed again.

“I see Mother Dearest is doing alright?” joked Remus Lupin.

"Moony! I’m so glad you’re here!” whispered Sirius, giving his friend a short hug and then hitting him in the head, hard. “That’s for waking up my mother!”

Lupin feigned pain and gave him a warm smile. “I see your relationship has bettered if you don’t want me to disturb her.” Sirius rolled his eyes and pretended not to hear him.

“Come on, Rem, to the kitchen!”

* * *

He was lying back on a chair with his feet on the table while examining an apple, ignoring Remus’s constant glares urging him to sit properly. “It’s my house, Rem. I can sit however the bloody hell I want” he said, not taking his eyes off of the fruit.

Remus knew his friend wouldn’t humor him, so he sighed and started to rummage through the cupboards looking for something to eat.

“So… Any news from the werewolf front?” Asked Sirius, taking a bite from the apple. Remus shrugged.

"Not much. I’m glad to be back, though. I’m more wolf than man after a few weeks with them.”

“You can stay as long as you want, mate. Mi casa es su casa.” Remus was trying hard to bite back a laugh.

“That is a really crappy accent, mate.”

“Oh, fuck off, Moony. Birds like accents.”

“Don’t you have anything to eat, Sirius?” said Remus, after closing the fourth cupboard in frustration. Sirius shrugged.

“There’s a few eggs and you might find some cheese. Make yourself an omelet or something. On second thought, make us both an omelet.” Remus rolled his eyes, but started looking for the ingredients.

“Wotcher, Sirius!” A bubblegum pink haired Tonks entered the kitchen and gave Sirius a high five.

“Buenos días, Tonks.” Said Sirius, giving her his most dazzling grin and wiggling his eyebrows. Remus couldn’t help but laugh at his friend’s foolishness. It’d been so long since he laughed.

Tonks gave a hearty laugh and her eyes settled on Lupin. “I am profoundly sorry for Sirius’s behavior. Please, forgive the puppy.” Sirius gave a low grunt, mumbling something about puppies and Tonks scratched him behind the ear, earning herself a nasty glare from her cousin.

She sat down in front of him and took a bite out of his apple with a big grin on her face. “Would you like an omelet, Tonks?” asked Remus, taking a few eggs out of the pantry.

“Don’t ask her, Moony. She doesn’t deserve anything.” scowled Sirius.

“Oh, stop being such a puppy, Sirius. Yes Remus, please! I’m starving.”

“Did you forget to reap your daily soul today?”

Tonks rolled her eyes and gave him his apple back, Remus had his back to both of them, but grinned at their banter.

“You don’t want to piss me off, Black. I could change my mind and have your soul for dinner.” she said with a wink.

“Okay, okay, children. Settle down.” Said Lupin, as he handed each of them a plate and sat down next to Tonks with a plate of his own. They ate in amicable silence, until Alastair Moody and Kingsley Shacklebolt entered the kitchen.

“All I’m saying is that if Dumbledore himself went to speak to them, maybe they’d hear us out!” said Kingsley to a clearly irritated Moody.

“I know, Kingsley. But go tell him that! Stubborn as a goat that man.” He grumbled.

“Good afternoon, Sunshine!” sang Sirius.

“Oh, shut it, puppy.” answered Moody. Tonks and Remus exploded in laughter, even Kingsley chuckled.

"Okay, enough with the puppy nonsense already. Grow up!” Remus had gotten a hold of his laughing, but Tonks was still clutching her stomach and gasping for air.

“Okay, Scrappy.”

Before Sirius could ask what a Scrappy was, a silver doe erupted into the kitchen and spoke with the voice of Severus Snape.

“Potter has seen You-Know-Who torturing Black. He’s heading for the Ministry, probably the Department of Mysteries. Find him. Dumbledore is on his way to Headquarters. Black, wait for him. Explain everything.”

The doe faded into silver mist and an eerie silence hung between them as the news sunk in. “Well, what are you all waiting for? LET’S GO!” Shouted Moody, heading for the door.

“KREACHER!”

“Yes, Master?” a tattered old house elf stood in front of Sirius.

“Wait here for Dumbledore. I know you heard what the Patronus said. I command you to tell Dumbledore everything when he gets here. Tell him we’re headed for the Ministry of Magic, tell him Harry’s in trouble.”

Lupin was looking at his friend with his mouth open in shock.

“Nobody is going to argue with me. HARRY IS MY GODSON AND I’M NOT GOING TO STAY HERE WHILE DEATH EATERS TRY TO KILL HIM. LET’S GO.” Sirius’ shouting snapped everybody out of their reverie and they all hurried out of the house and into the night.

* * *

They were running through the Ministry as fast as they could. Sirius was in front of them, running towards the Department of Mysteries, praying it was a false alarm, praying that Harry was nothing like him or his father and had waited for Snape at Hogwarts. But Harry was just like him and James. He clutched his wand even harder and ran even faster through the corridor, wishing to reach the black door faster.

He could hear the rapid breathing and the footsteps of the other four behind him when he reached the end of the corridor. Just as he opened it and was about to ask where the Prophecy Room was, he heard a scream coming from an open door. His stomach fell to the ground and his throat went dry. He knew what the Cruciatus Curse sounded like.

The others caught up with him, together they ran through the door and started raining spells on the hooded figures. Sirius immediately engaged in a duel with one of them sending curse after curse, growing more and more desperate to find Harry. His opponent lost his footing for merely a second, but that was enough for him. He cast a full body bind curse on the man and made ropes fly from his wand, rendering him useless.

He gave the room a quick look. Tonks was still firing spells at Bellatrix and Kingsley had downed one Death Eater and was finishing off another one. Mad Eye and Remus were nowhere to be seen, but he caught a glimpse of a boy fending off Dark Magic with a Shield Charm. The lump in his throat cleared instantly as his eyes set on Harry. He hurtled towards their attacker and rammed him out of the way with his shoulder. He got a proper look at Dolohov before sending a curse his way. The man struck back without fear or hesitation, not caring about who he hit. Sirius blocked every curse, but so did Dolohov.

“PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!” Dolohov fell completely still, landing on his back with a crash.

“Nice one!” He said as he pulled Harry’s head down to avoid a pair of Stunning Spells. “Now I want you to get out of here". A jet of green light narrowly missed him and across the room, Tonks fell from halfway up the stone steps. Bellatrix, triumphant, ran back into the battle. “Harry, take the prophecy, grab Neville and run!”

He didn’t make sure Harry did as he was told, instead he dashed back into the battle looking for Bellatrix. She had joined Rookwood and was helping him take down Kingsley. Sirius took a deep breath, envisioned every family she had torn apart, remembered Frank and Alice Longbottom, their little boy, he could feel a fire burning inside him and he couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh, Bella!” he sang, as he launched a couple of spells her way. She was nearly taken off balance, but managed to jump and land facing him. A look of hatred that he was sure was replicated in his own eyes, but he didn’t give her any time to answer, he kept attacking, flashes and flashes of light erupting from his wand. The smug smirk on her face had disappeared and she looked wary, blocking spell after spell.

“Oh, come on, cousin, really? Do they let anyone become a Death Eater these days?” he gave a hearty laugh and ducked a jet of red light she had sent his way. They were both on the dais now, and it looked like she had pulled herself together, she had that maniac glint in her eyes again. Unhinged as she was, he could see her every move, it was like a game of chess against a crappy opponent. He managed a well-aimed curse at her feet and she lost her footing, but he didn’t see it coming.

A jet of green light hit him square in the chest and everything went still. He could see Bellatrix’s face contorted with laughter running away, there was a tall figure in the room with white hair that hadn’t been there before, and he heard someone call his name. It took forever, but all of a sudden he was falling. He could still hear someone calling his name, but his eyes were closed and he was falling (dying, he finally realized). He was going to die and the last thing he would ever see was Bellatrix Lestrange. He opened his eyes and he could see everything through a thin veil. He focused on his name, where was it coming from? Something was tugging him away, it was like fighting a sleeping draught.

“SIRIUS! SIRIUS!” The sudden screaming startled him and he could see Remus holding back James. James? No, that wasn’t right. Harry. It was Harry.

A spark lit in the back of his fogged mind, suddenly he could feel his frantic heart pounding throughout his body. He was gasping for air, struggling to keep his eyes open, to hold on to whatever it was keeping him alive. Flashbacks of Azkaban flittered through his mind as he fought the numbness spreading through his body. This was it, this was how he finally died. He tried reaching out to the figure in white, but he couldn’t move and the pain was overwhelming. He tried yelling and crying, but he couldn’t wake up, he couldn’t stop falling. He had to rescue Harry, he had to be there for him, but he wasn’t strong enough. The weight on his chest threatened to crush him and he was so tired, would James forgive him for giving up?

He didn’t have time to decide, the screams ceased and he was enveloped by darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius wakes up in a familiar setting. Maybe too familiar.

Sirius woke up to a four poster bed with the curtains drawn. Everything was sore, his head was throbbing and his chest still hurt. He sat up quickly but his aching body wouldn’t have it, so he put his head in his hands and closed his eyes. What had happened? He had died, he could remember everything clearly, he had fallen through the veil in the Death Chamber. Shouldn’t he be dead? And Harry, oh God, he had left Harry alone. He started pulling his hair in frustration, not knowing what to do, needing to keep his hands busy.

He rocked back and forth for what seemed like hours, trying to rip his hair out, trying to make sense of things. Was this his heaven? Yeah, he hadn’t exactly been a saint when he was alive, but surely this couldn’t be hell, right? It looked so much like his bed back at Hogwarts. Maybe heaven was where you were the most happy? Was he even awake?

He scrutinized the bed, looking for little dents from the time his friends had played pranks on him. They were all there, but that didn’t mean anything, it could be a coincidence. When he reached the last post, he found it. “Sirius” written with a penknife a week after his first year started. He couldn’t help but smile at himself. That was the day he had named Hogwarts his home. His joy was fleeting, what was he doing back at Hogwarts?

Sirius had had enough of being cooped up asking himself questions he didn’t have answers for. Sirius Black was a man of action, he told himself, so he got out of bed and explored the dorm. It was useless to try and find something different, everything was as he remembered it, from Remus’s piles of books to James’s disastrous trunk.

“Padfoot? Come on, mate, wake up! You’re gonna miss lunch!” Sirius went still. He hadn’t heard that voice in fourteen years.

“James? Is that you?” He asked, hesitantly, trying to mask the fact that his voice had nearly cracked at the end. James entered the dorm and Sirius couldn’t move.

“Of course it’s me, mate.” He seemed to take in Sirius’s expression and added “Is everything alright?”

Sirius could barely move but managed to nod in reply. James didn’t look too convinced but shrugged it off anyway.

“Go on, fix your hair, brush your teeth, put on your moisturizer or whatever the bloody hell you do in the mornings that takes you so long, we’ll be downstairs. Hurry up though, I need your help to pull Moony away from his book. He growls at me every time I get too close.” He said with a grin. And with that, James set off to the Common Room, muttering something under his breath that sounded like “bastard” and “three times already”.

Sirius’s feet were still stuck to the floor and he had stopped breathing the minute James entered the room. As soon as his friend left, he fell apart in sobs on the dorm floor, not able to contain the grief he had been bottling up for so many years. He had died as he was looking at Harry and now he had woken up to find James, and he couldn’t fathom how that was possible, but everything felt so unfair. He curled into a ball trying to stop himself from shattering and breathed as slowly and deeply as he could, hiccoughing now and then. He lay there for what seemed like hours, trying to stop himself from thinking. Between trying to calm himself and losing control completely, he heard a tentative knock on the door.

If he had the energy he would’ve wiped the tears and composed himself as quick as possible, if he was all right he would’ve told the person at the door that he would come down in a minute. Hell, if he was alright he wouldn’t be a complete mess right now. But he wasn’t alright and he didn’t have the energy to make his visitor go away.

And that was how Remus Lupin found him. Hugging his knees, all his bravado gone, looking like a scared boy.

“You could’ve told us you were having a meltdown, we wouldn’t’ve waited for you.” He said softly, trying to lighten him up. Sirius gave a halfhearted laugh that sounded more like a hysterical sob and looked up at his companion.

Remus had always looked older for his age but still, he looked so young. No grey flecks in his hair, less scars, happy eyes. He didn’t know how, but suddenly he was in his friend’s arms, hugging him like he hadn’t seen him in years. Moony had gotten over his initial shock and patted his back as Sirius hugged him harder.

“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Remus, his voice full of concern. Sirius pulled away and gave him his first real smile since he had woken up. “No, it’s okay.” Remus didn’t look convinced.

“You know you don’t have to act all tough on my behalf.” Sirius chuckled.

“It’s not that. I just… can’t.” His friend nodded and gave him the tiniest reassuring smile.

“You look like crap.” Said Moony and he flicked his wand, making Sirius feel clean and better.

“I had a meltdown. Don’t judge me.” He smiled at his friend.

“Thanks, Rem. Siriusly.” Remus rolled his eyes but still patted his back in acknowledgment.

“Come on, mate. I’m starving.”

* * *

Sirius had forgotten what it felt like to be free, to have no burden on your shoulders, and it felt wonderful. The evening had gone like so many others in his Hogwarts years. James had been making a fool of himself for Lily’s benefit, he could tell she was trying hard not to laugh, but he wasn’t about to tell James that. He’d be insufferable.

Remus had been reading all through dinner, speaking only when spoken to, but giving Sirius concerned glances over his book. Peter had been, well, Peter. Since James and Lily weren’t together, Peter can’t’ve betrayed them yet. But not even that knowledge could soothe the part of him that still had a strong desire to punch the rat bastard’s lying face.

As he lied in his bed that night, listening to the not so subtle snores of his friends, he let his mind wander. Had he really been given a second chance? Everything was so vivid and real, it couldn’t be a dream. What would this mean for the future? He could change so many things, Harry wouldn’t have to be miserable for most of his life, he could have a proper family. Maybe Peter wouldn’t have to betray them, maybe everything could be fine. Wait, what could he change? If Lily hadn’t died for Harry, then Harry wouldn’t’ve been able to defeat Voldemort that night. Was he about to condemn the whole of Wizarding Britain to a longer reign of Riddle’s terror, just so his best friends could live for who-knows-how many more years?

He stuffed his head in his pillow, trying to resist the urge to shout. This was going to be hard.

* * *

“PADFOOT! GET UP, YOU MANGY MUTT.” A pillow hit his head. Sirius nestled further beneath his sheets and tried to go back to sleep. Another pillow hit him with a rather poor aim.

“OI, BLACK. GET YOUR LAZY ARSE OUT OF BED.”

“Oh, sod off, Prongs.” He managed to mutter.

There was a blissful moment of silence when he actually thought he could keep sleeping, and suddenly everything was bright, his sheets were off of him and he was being attacked by a very angry James with a pillow.

“OKAY, OKAY, I’LL GET UP.” He lifted his arms in a show of defeat and got off his bed. He tried to look apologetic, but James just smirked and pillowed him one more time in the head.

“Get ready. We have to be on the Pitch before Slytherin gets feisty.” Sirius snorted and went to the bathroom to get ready.

After a long, long shower, he was sitting on his bed, thumbing through Remus’ book, waiting for said book owner to get out of the bathroom. James had started pounding on the door looking frustrated and energetic at the same time. “Come on, Moony! Hurry up!”

“Potter, my showers take as long as I want them to take. I’m not even playing with you guys. Go have breakfast, I’ll see you on the Pitch.” Sirius could’ve sworn he heard Remus say “if I bloody feel like it” but didn’t get to answer him, James had already taken him by the wrist and was running downstairs with him in tow.

They arrived at the Great Hall in record time, Sirius was trying to hide his panting from his hyperactive friend, but he was too occupied choosing his breakfast and mumbling things like “it’s a great day” and “a good breakfast equals a good day” to pay any attention. He stared at Prongs for a while, unable to hide a goofy smile. It was funny how watching his friend compare the nutrition value that porridge provided against the overall deliciousness of bacon made him feel warm and happy. He just wanted to hug James and never ever let him out of his sight.

“Come on, mate! Breakfast is the meal of champions! Oh, look! There’s no bacon left!” He looked at him innocently, as if he hadn’t just eaten the whole plate himself.

Sirius sat in front of him and filled his plate to the brim, eating in a way that he knew would gain a few glares from Remus. James went into a detailed account of what he wanted to try with the team today and Sirius just nodded along, his eyes on the entrance, his heart flipping a little every time someone he knew entered the hall.

He had never paid much thought to who else he would find in the past, so he nearly choked on his soldiers when his little brother entered the Hall with a group of Slytherins.

“Pads? Something wrong?” asked James, following Sirius’ staring eyes to Regulus. “You should talk to him, you know. I would’ve given anything to have a brother when I was younger.” Looking solemn, he added “Even if he is a right tosser.”

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh and went back to his breakfast, the knot in his throat having completely disappeared. “Thanks, Prongs.”.

They ate in silence for a few minutes, he thought about ways to approach Regulus, maybe even make him see the error of his ways. He was immersed in his thoughts until Remus entered the Hall.

“OI, MOONY! OVER HERE!” Prongs had stood up and started waving his arms around for Remus to see them.

“Oi, mate. Keep it down.” Sirius whispered, eyeing him to sit down again. James looked at him as if he had been slapped. “What the hell, Black?”

“What’s going on here?” Asked Moony, sitting beside Sirius with yet another book under his arm. James feigned terror and pointed at Sirius.

“PADFOOT’S BEEN REPLACED. THIS IS NOT SIRIUS BLACK. WHERE HAVE YOU HIDDEN PADFOOT?” Remus rolled his eyes at his friend’s theatrics and addressed Sirius instead.

“I thought you were supposed to be the Drama Queen?”

“Well, I was. But I think this nutter deserves the title more than I do.”

James was smiling brightly stood up on the bench and bowed to a group of second years that were about to sit near them. A few of them giggled and took their seats farer away than intended.

“Stop scaring young ones, Prongs.” Remus scolded unconvincingly.

“I promise I won’t scare children, children are our future, blah blah blah… Come on, Padfoot! It’s getting late and Moony will take hours to finish breakfast.” James was already heading out of the Great Hall when Sirius had gotten out of his seat. He gave Moony a bright smile and a nod and ran behind James.

* * *

 

“Okay, Fabian, Gideon, you’re going to aim Bludgers at the chasers so we can practice the Sloth Grip Roll. I want Reverse Passes, everybody! Frank, Double Eight Loop it. Marlene, see if you can do the Dionysus Dive again, Dorcas, you’re with the chasers on this one. Understood?” Everybody nodded. “Okay, on the Pitch, then.”

James stopped Sirius on the way out. “Just don’t fall off the broom. Pass the Quaffle to Marlene, I really want her to get the Dionysus Dive right.” Sirius chuckled.

“Mate, just because I’m not on the team, doesn’t mean I don’t know the basics. Don’t worry, I won’t fall off the broom.”

And he didn’t. At least for the first twenty five minutes.

James had instructed the beaters to go easy on them at first so they could grasp the basics of the Roll. Sirius wasn’t obligated to try it since he was only filling in for Alice, but he had managed to evade quite a few bludgers, earning himself a few merry whoops from James.

As time passed, the twins’ Bludgers’ got harder and harder to avoid. He was passing the Quaffle to Marlene, just as James had said, and felt a Bludger zoom past his head. Flooded with relief, he flew higher into the air to get a better look at the pitch, letting James and Marlene practice a few plays on their own. He squinted his eyes towards the stands and managed to make out the ridiculous orange beanie that he knew belonged to Remus Lupin. In fact, Moony wouldn’t stop using it until James and himself hid it from Remus in February. Truth be told, that same beanie was probably stashed somewhere in Grimmauld Place…

That was the last thing he could remember, after that everything had gone dark. It was terribly familiar. Everything hurt, everything was throbbing and yet he couldn’t feel his limbs. He was conscious in this darkness, he couldn’t feel his body, but his mind was still alert. He had already died once, was he dying again? What would happen to the timeline if he died now? He hadn’t done anything to permanently damage it. Would his oblivious past-self come back? If so, everything would probably happen the same way. He wouldn’t be able to save James or Lily. Harry. Harry.

He kept repeating “Harry” like a mantra, like saying his name would save him, would save everybody. He eventually dozed off, or was he already dreaming? He caught wisps of green behind his eyelids and he could’ve sworn he could smell oak and chestnut. He started regaining feeling in his fingers and as he started to move them, he could feel strands of something like grass between them.

“Sirius?” He managed to open his eyes a fraction but closed them again.

“Mph, headache.” He managed to mutter. He felt the stranger sit on his bed- yeah, it was definitely a bed- and comb his hair with their fingers. Padfoot just wanted to lick the stranger’s hand and have him rub his belly, but Sirius wasn’t about to do that.

“Everything okay, Pads?”

He knew that voice. Calm, comforting, concerned, warm. All things Remus. Padfoot was even more inclined to lick his hand. “Down, boy.” Sirius opened his eyes and Remus was laughing and drying his hand on his jeans. Sirius gave him a shy grin and joined in the laughter. “Sorry, mate. Padfoot gets overly excited when you do that.”

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t already used to it.” Sirius gave him a wide smile. “So, was it Fabian or Gideon?”

“I think it was Gideon, but James couldn’t be mad at him because you were the one who was distracted.”

“Well, it wasn’t my fault. It was your stupid beanie. You can see that thing for miles” He pouted, hoping to gain some sympathy. Remus sighed, pretending to be bothered, but pulled a chair close to him and continued stroking his hair absentmindedly. Sirius enjoyed this display of affection and was about to doze off again when Remus’ soft voice startled him.

“Who’s Harry, Siri?”

Sirius opened his eyes to find Remus looking at him, eyebrows creased, slightly frowning. He must’ve seen the doubt in his face, because when Sirius didn’t reply- his throat had completely shut down- he spoke again.

“Is everything okay?”

Remus’ hand had slipped into his and had started to rub soothing circles into his skin. The knot in his throat had slowly started to dissipate, it was a while before he could answer without the looming tears getting the better of him.

“No, Rem. Things aren’t okay, and I don’t know how to fix them.” His voice was strained, on the verge of cracking. He took a deep breath and the words started pouring out of him.

“I don’t know what to do, Rem. I don’t know what’s going to happen anymore, I don’t know if I’ll be able to protect them. I’ve messed everything up, I shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t have fallen. I don’t know what happened to Harry, he’s probably all alone. I LEFT HIM ALONE, REMUS! HE SAW ME FALL. HE CALLED MY NAME, I COULDN’T GO BACK, I COULDN’T ANSWER.”

He was pacing beside his bed without memory of how he got out of it. His voice was starting to crack, his whole body was shaking. “I let him down, Rem. I let everyone down. James, Lily, Reg, you. I can’t do this. I can’t-”.

Suddenly he was a sobbing heap on the floor of the empty Hospital Wing, with no one to witness his meltdown other than Remus. Again. Damn, he must be getting tired of this. That single thought made him give a watery chuckle and come back to his senses. He was sitting on the floor, hugging his knees, and Remus was holding him, stroking his arms and his hair, rocking him gently.

Sirius let himself take a deep breath and relax his muscles, his head stopped pounding and he let himself cry silently into Remus’ chest. “I missed you. You were gone so long.” He managed to whisper, his voice barely audible.

“I’m here now, Siri.”

Sirius woke up in the dead of the night tucked in his hospital bed with an unconscious Remus collapsed on the chair next to him. A surge of affection towards his friend rushed through him. He fell back to sleep with a warm feeling tingling in the pit of his stomach and a foolish idea of things getting better.

What a foolish idea indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, honestly I'm just updating this because I have this much written. My inspiration pretty much went south a few months ago, but if someone actually likes this I'll try to keep writing xD  
> It's not that I don't like it (I mean, I've written better), but I'm having a hard time with what comes next. I know what I want to happen, but getting there is a long way away. JAJAJJA   
> Well, thanks for reading and a special thanks to the people who left Kudos, it's more than I deserve :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, someone was bound to find out about his secret, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys. This is complete crap. JAJAJAJAJJAJA. As I was writing this chapter, a whole lot of other ideas came up. I can't promise that I'll be writing a lot or that it will be good (I've gotta be honest), but I will finish it. Being able to feel where the characters take me makes it easier (and more fun) to write, so I hope this doesn't stay on the backburner for long. Enjoy!

 

Sirius’s dreams were plagued with his past, with his future. Nightmares, more often than not. He’d wake up in the dead of the night gasping for air after running through the Department of Mysteries or within the Forbidden Forrest. Vivid memories of James’ limp body and Harry’s bloody forehead flickered through his mind every now and then, making his hands tremble and his eyes water.

The days passed by in a blur of classes and homework. He had started spending more time with Remus in the library, letting James and Peter wreak all the havoc he just didn’t have the energy for. Remus had eventually stopped thinking he was part of a prank in progress and had started helping him with a few essays (because Sirius could live millions of lifetimes and never be able to write a proper essay).

The Sirius that belonged to that time would’ve probably been appalled by his current behaviour: turning in his work on time, actually paying attention to his NEWT classes, siding with Remus if James thought of a prank that stretched the line too thin. The situation outside the castle was beginning to get dire and he had no wishes of burdening poor Professor McGonagall any further (qualms James and Peter didn’t share with him). But if he absolutely had to admit it, it wasn’t all that bad.

During the day it was easy to convince himself he belonged there. The castle was familiar enough, his friends were warm enough and life was easy enough. The nightmares he could handle, he’d been handling them for years now. What he couldn’t handle were James’ and Remus’ worried expressions over breakfast after a particularly difficult night. Even Lily was starting to give him odd looks when he didn’t join his friend in harassing her (and really, she should’ve been appreciative).

However, some nights were worse than others. Some nights he could just sleep through and for that he was grateful. But after a few weeks, good nights were harder and harder to come by. He had taken to placing a silencing charm on his four poster every evening, just in case. It scared him how often he woke up screaming.

It wasn’t until the 31st of October that someone actually did something about his behaviour.

After the Halloween feast, the Marauders had headed off towards their annual celebration (which pretty much meant getting pissed in the Common Room). He and James had been able to sneak in a few bottles of Firewhisky and of Ogden’s finest a few days ago and had stashed them in their dorm. It always started out as a private party, but eventually all of the other sixth and seventh year Gryffindors joined them.

Sirius, however, went to bed early that night, having drunk a (maybe not so) minimal amount of Ogden’s as he watched James and Peter trying to chat up Lily and Mary. Even though it was fun to watch Prongs try to not be a prat (he was still a prat), he wasn't in the mood for a party.

For years Halloween had been a day for mourning everything, everyone he'd lost, but now, as he watched James play with Lily's hair, Peter making Mary blush, he was confused. He didn't know how to feel about the fact that the horrible thing that had marked his life, that had made him who he was (or would be?), hadn't happened yet. Every feeling he had been trying to repress since he landed in 1976 was struggling to break free, so he figured that a bit of firewhiskey and some sleep might keep them at bay.

Sirius downed the bottle of Firewhiskey that he had been drinking from, muttered his goodbyes to whoever bothered to hear him and stumbled up the stairs, into their dorm and into his bed, covering himself with his sheets, not bothering to take his clothes off.

* * *

 

“Sirius? Sirius, wake up. It was a dream, I promise. Everything’s okay.”

He could feel someone shaking him, pulling him out of his mind and the horrible things it could conjure. He opened his eyes and could barely make out the silhouette of someone sitting next to him in the dark.

The person soothingly stroked his hair out of his face and kept muttering reassurances under his breath. Sirius could smell the faint scent of alcohol coming from the stranger’s lips mixed with something else, something familiar.

“Padfoot? Are you okay?” asked the figure, which Sirius immediately recognized as Remus.

“Nightmare.” he managed to mutter, his throat dry and his voice cracked. “Everything’s okay, Moons.” he added hastily. Remus pondered his answer, his features wary, his mouth curled into a frown that Sirius hated being on the receiving end of.

“We know something’s off, Pads. But you don’t have to go through it alone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you’re keeping the pranks to a minimum and actually doing your work, but you seem miserable most of the time.”

This managed to snap Sirius out of his charade because he wasn’t miserable. Was he? He had been trying so hard to fit in, to feel happy. Too hard, in fact. Maybe if you had to try so hard to be happy, you weren’t actually happy.

“I’m not miserable, Rem. It’s just…” he fumbled, looking for the words, looking for a reasonable explanation that would leave Remus feeling assured and that wasn’t complete bollocks. “I’m happy and sad at the same time, does that make any sense?”

Remus shook his head and chuckled softly at his friend. “It kinda does and it kinda doesn’t.”

“Oi, I’m bearing my soul to you, no mocking.” Sirius crossed his arms stubbornly and pouted, eyeing Remus playfully.

“Oh, don’t be an idiot.” Remus started poking Sirius’ ribs in an effort to uncross his arms.

After poking, jabbing (Remus had even tried tickling him) and twisting around, they both lay in bed staring at the canopy, dorky smiles on their faces and a will to forget everything else other than the peace of that moment.   

Sirius was starting to doze off but was startled awake by Remus shifting his weight as he tried to get off the bed.

“Rem?” The man turned around and looked at him. Sirius was surprised at how his eyes pierced through the dark without any effort and landed on his, making his cheeks grow hot.

“Can you stay? Maybe I’ll get some decent sleep with you around.”

Remus gave him what looked like a smile and nodded, silently climbing back into bed with him. Sirius’ skin tingled at the warmth that was radiating off of Remus’ body as he returned to their previous position, but he kept silent and closed his eyes instead. He could feel the man’s steady breathing and he would’ve let the rhythm lull him to sleep, but there was an air of unspoken conversations floating around them, it was a static energy he was familiar with.

It was a current that crackled between them a lot after he escaped Azkaban, especially the year he lived in Grimmauld.

After a few irregular breaths on Remus’ part, a bright light seeped through his lids. Warily, he opened his eyes to find his four poster illuminated by what looked like a conjured sky where his canopy should be. He focused his eyes on the stars above him and smiled when he recognized the Canis Major.

When he turned towards Remus, the man was sitting up and already looking at him. His face dimly lit by the conjured sky, a hint of sorrow in his green eyes, his lips curved into a small smile. Sirius had to blink twice to take in the sight that was Remus Lupin in the moonlight.

Without his brain’s consent, he incorporated himself and his fingers slowly traced Remus’ unblemished cheek, where there should’ve been scars. He was enthralled with the details of his face, with the mischievous glint in his eyes.

Remus would’ve never admitted it to him back home, but the years had taken a toll on him and it was evident now more than ever. Looking at his friends in this time was almost painful; the future was a burden that was getting harder and harder to shoulder.

The object of his musings startled him out of his brooding. “Why are you frowning?”

Sirius had been so absorbed by his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed that the gleam in Remus’ eyes had turned into concern and his playful smile had turned into a pout. Suddenly everything went dark, it seemed that Remus’ mood had banished the makeshift sky above them.

Maybe it was the residue of alcohol in his system, maybe it was the sudden darkness that had enveloped them, maybe it was the fact that Remus was looking at him with so much worry that his stomach had coiled up so tight that he felt like he was about to snap.

“I’m not from… here.”

Remus gave him a bemused look and Sirius thought that he might as well get it over with.

“I’m not from this time, Rem. I am Sirius Orion Black, but I’ve already lived this. I think my conscience transferred from my body in 1996 to this younger body,” he made a movement with his hands indicating the situation in general.

Remus took a second to compose himself and smiled. The bastard smiled.

“What’s so funny?”

“I knew something was off about you!” the werewolf all but jumped off the bed in excitement. “Although I must admit that time-travel is a bit more farfetched than what I thought had happened.”

“Calm down, Remus. Merlin, this isn’t a good thing.” Sirius scrunched up his nose in thought for a few seconds. “What did you think had happened?”

He felt Remus shrug beside him. “I don’t know, the after effects of a particularly strong Confundus charm? Maybe a faulty potion? Honestly, I thought maybe you’d hit your head while setting up a prank and gone barmy.”

Sirius laughed at Moony’s inventiveness but stopped abruptly. “Wait, so you believe me?”

“Of course I do, you tosser! But, what _have_ you been doing? Have you talked to Dumbledore? Have you investigated about whatever happened? What triggered this?”

His friend looked like he was trying to solve a very complicated riddle and Sirius couldn’t help smiling. He was taking this much better than he thought he would. He definitely taking it better than Sirius had (not that he’d tell him that).

“I’ve been lying low. I don’t want to draw any unnecessary attention to myself. No, I haven’t talked to Dumbledore, but before you say anything, I have my reasons.”

“I don’t know what happens to you in the next twenty years, but _laying low_ isn’t exactly a very Sirius Black thing to do. You are the most flamboyant and conspicuous person that currently resides in the castle. Maybe you should turn it up a notch or three. Now don’t avoid my question. Have you done any research?”

Sirius had the decency to blush and look ashamed, mostly because he did feel ashamed. Remus had always had a way of making him feel like a child caught being naughty. At least he hadn’t asked about the trigger again. He didn’t know how safe it was to talk about the future. Honestly, just thinking of the repercussions that this conversation could have gave him a headache.

“Er, no. Mostly I’ve just been enjoying everything, pretending that I belong. I know it isn’t the right thing to do, but…” he stopped midsentence, appalled at what he was finally admitting to himself.

“But what, Siri?” Moony had shifted closer to him and was studying his every move.

His voice came out in a whisper, probably because he wasn’t sure that he wanted it to be heard.

“…but what if I don’t wanna go back?”

Sirius felt Remus stiffen at his side. His eyes started to well with tears and he hid his face in his hands, scared of the disapproval that his friend was probably about to express. His hands had started shaking and it felt like he was on the verge of having a panic attack. His eyesight was starting to get blurred and his thoughts felt fuzzy. Fuzzy? Was that even possible?

He was surprised when Remus shuffled himself into a lying position and pulled on Sirius’ arm until they were both under the covers. Sirius started to calm down, he counted his breaths and mindlessly snuggled against Remus, who held him close and tight, as if to show him that he wasn’t alone.

“Don’t worry, Pads. We’ll take care of it in the morning,” Remus mumbled, as he stroked Sirius’ back rhythmically.

Through the haze that was his mind, Sirius asked himself what would be different about tomorrow. Why would they be able to fix it tomorrow if he hadn’t been able to fix it for the last month? Did Moony have a time turner stashed in his trunk? He was about to ask Remus about it, when the man in question let out a muffled snore.

Sirius didn’t have the heart (or the energy) to wake up Remus, so he let the haziness take over his mind and, he too, was asleep within minutes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus tries to solve Sirius' time conundrum and James and Lily try to solve the Remus/Sirius dilemma  
> (spoiler: none of them achieve it).

It was the day after the Halloween party and Sirius had gone down for an early breakfast, well, if _early_ meant before all of the hungover Gryffindors, then yes, it was an early breakfast.

The Great Hall was half full as opposed to the Gryffindor table which was lacking its usual unruliness. Even though he loved the rowdiness that was a common feature of their table, he was grateful for the tranquillity.

Honestly, waking up to a sleeping Moony wasn’t the worst thing that could’ve happened, but it had happened and he had to deal with it. So he did what any sane person in his position would do: he stumbled out of bed without stirring the slumbering werewolf (yes, feeling somewhat bad about it), pulled on some clothes and ran.

He knew it was wrong to tell anybody about his predicament, but he couldn’t help feeling lighter about it. The burden he had been carrying around for a month finally felt manageable. If he absolutely _had_ to tell anyone about this, he supposed he was glad it had been Remus.

Sirius could feel the familiar tug in his head towards everything that could go wrong because of his babbling, but he refused to acknowledge it and banished it to the back of his mind. He’d deal with it later.

“Soooooooooo…”

A ridiculously smug James Potter plopped himself beside Sirius and gave him a knowing smile.

“How’d you sleep last night?”

“Prongs, bloody hell, stop it with the eyebrows and that smile. I slept fine, thank you very much:”

But James Potter was nothing if not persistent.

“I bet you had a _howl_ of a time!”

“Prongs, mate. Puns, really?”

“Have a happy _howl-o-ween_?”

Sirius just rolled his eyes and shook his head unamused. “Are you done?”

“Is it true that Moony likes it _ruff_?”

“Finished?”

“Merlin, let me tell you that I’ve been outside the Great Hall for the past twenty minutes thinking of these and you don’t even smile. I’m hurt, Padfoot. I truly am.”

Sirius merely rolled his eyes at his friend’s mock pout and redirected his attention to his breakfast, ignoring the warmth that had started to creep up on his cheeks. James shrugged, sat next to him and started piling up his plate.

After what could’ve been an hour of silence but was probably less than ten minutes, Prongs spoke up.

“You don’t have to talk about it, but you know I’m here if you want to, right mate?”

Sirius could feel his stomach drop a few inches, but paid it no mind. “Nothing happened, Prongs.”

The funny thing was that technically he wasn’t lying. Whatever James imagined had happened between him and Moony wasn’t true. But a part of him felt like he _was_ lying (and maybe another part of him wanted James to be right). He thought over the past month and whatever other moment with Remus he could remember and felt himself smile involuntarily. Maybe this thing with Moony wasn’t just friendship, even back in the nineties it had felt like something more. Sirius had chalked it up to be companionship after everything they’d been through, empathy of each other’s scars, respect over each other’s pain.

But now Remus hadn’t gone through the next twenty years and Sirius still felt an unerring magnetism between them. It wasn’t the complicity he felt with James (even though it was still there) or the adoration James felt for Lily (well, not totally at least).

“Why would you assume something happened?” Sirius tried to be as nonchalant as he could, but James could read him like a book and gave him a small smile before starting to fumble for the words while looking anywhere but at Sirius.

“Well… I don’t know, it’s just… You’ve liked him for years, Padfoot. And I know you’ll deny it, but it’s there. It’s subtle, but it’s there. I’ve known you since we were eleven, I know you better than anyone... I see it.”

Sirius felt (and probably looked) dumbfounded. James most likely picked up on his inability to articulate words so he kept talking.

“The way you light up when he walks into a room, the way you look particularly proud when he’s a sarcastic shite, I’ve watched you flirt with nearly every person in the castle, and the only time I feel uncomfortable is when you’re flirting with Moony. I feel like I’m intruding or something. I mean, they’re small things and I really didn’t realize it until last term. It was just the way you were with him, but… I don’t know.”

“Wow… er… you’ve given this a lot of thought.”

“Well, I love you guys. I just want you to be happy.”

There was a moment of awkward silence where both of them picked at their food and avoided eye contact, but Sirius couldn’t help laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. James Potter knew more about _feelings_ than he did.

“Fuck, mate. I’m gone, aren’t I? Do I even have a chance?”

James laughed along and finally looked up at him. “I think so. You _are_ the stars to his moon.”

Sirius punched the man’s arm with a little too much force and laughed at the way he winced. “You deserve that. You can’t make so many bad puns in one morning.”

“I’ll forgive you just because I know you get uncomfortable talking about your _feelings_. Next time I will get you back and it  will hurt.”

Sirius smiled at his dorky glasses-wearing friend and hugged him fiercely. “I love you, mate. You know that, right?”

“I love you too, Pads.” James relaxed into his embrace for a few seconds but forced him off quickly. “Now get off, you’ll ruin my hair.”

“Hate to break it to you, but your hair’s been ruined since birth, Prongs. It’s ironic though.”

“Why would it be ironic?” asked Lily, who had just entered the Great Hall with Remus in tow and sat both of them in front of Sirius and James. Remus scoffed and answered the redhead’s question.

“James’ father is the inventor of Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion, but no matter how much of the stuff Fleamont used on him, it’s never worked.”

“I think it would work if the tosser wasn’t always messing it up to impress Ginger here.”

He nodded towards Lily but winced when he felt someone (James probably) step violently on his foot under the table. Sirius was about to vocalize his pain, but instead had to bite back a smile because Lily hadn’t answered his teasing and was looking too focused on adding honey to her porridge. James too was purposefully playing with his breakfast, so he nudged him and gestured towards the blushing redhead. The man looked very pleased with himself, but kept his mouth shut.

They ate their breakfast in comfortable silence while Sirius thought about how Lily had fallen for James last time round. Would it be bad for the timeline if he sped it up a bit? Surely they’d be thankful for a few more months together. But before his thoughts could take a grim turn, James stood up and addressed the group while messing up his hair nervously.

“Er, Lils, would you like to, maybe, go for a walk?”

Lily smiled brightly and nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

James looked surprised, but still stretched out his arm playfully for Lily to take. The ginger laughed, looped her arm in James’ and they both walked out of the Hall together.

“I’m not one for spoilers or anything, but does he actually have a shot?”

Sirius barked a laugh at the werewolf’s question. “They’ll be so in love, it’ll be totally gross.”

Remus scrunched up his eyebrows in disbelief for a few seconds and then smiled brightly. “It’s nice to see that perseverance pays off.”

“And if by perseverance you mean being an annoying bugger, yeah, I’m glad it does.”

Remus choked on his pumpkin juice and managed to spray Sirius with it but instead of apologizing he just kept laughing. Sirius sighed and shook his head in mock disappointment while siphoning off the juice with his wand.

“You were supposed to be the Prefect, Moons.”

“Ugh, I’m bored of being a Prefect. Plus, prefects aren’t supposed to get pissed in the Common Room. Neither is the Head Girl, but she was there too and she wasn’t chaperoning, if you know what I mean.” Remus sighed melodramatically and looked through the window in thought.  “I think I’ve lost faith in authority.”

Sirius chuckled under his breath but got distracted by the way the light played with the colour of his friend’s curls. _Colour of his curls? Fuck, I’m worse than Prongs. Maybe next I’ll be writing sonnets about his freckles._ Thought that didn’t bide well because he noted that Remus did have freckles and that they were in fact very cute.

The man in question looked back at him unexpectedly, but didn’t say anything about Sirius’ blatant staring.

“The day’s nice outside. Wanna go for a walk?”

“Sure, Moons.”

* * *

 

“So, last night was… interesting.”

Sirius couldn’t figure out what to answer so he just hummed in acknowledgement and waited for Remus to keep talking. They had been walking the grounds aimlessly for the past fifteen minutes and not a single word had been uttered.

“Pads, I really think we should talk about this.”

The long haired man stopped in his tracks and just collapsed on the grass. It was as good a spot as any for whatever it was they were going to talk about. He knew he owed Remus an explanation, but for the life of him, he didn’t know where to start.

The werewolf sat next to him and shoved him playfully. “Listen, I know you probably didn’t want me to know about this whole situation, but tough luck. I know and I want to help you. Even if it’s just to talk about it.”

Sirius was about to answer but Remus cut him off. “I understand that maybe there are a lot of things you can’t tell me, but maybe you can skirt around them? I’m not fishing for anything, just anything you feel comfortable telling me. If you feel comfortable, of course.”

To the untrained eye (ear?), Remus sounded totally secure about what he was saying. It was his teaching voice, the one he used to explain topics he was sure about, subjects that had a certain logic to them. For one, the situation was totally illogical and it was so like Remus to try to approach it rationally. However, even without taking into account the peculiar circumstances, the thing that gave the werewolf away was the cadence of his words. The way it sounded practiced, the way it flowed. He was repeating something that he had reasoned beforehand and hadn’t wanted to risk speaking to Sirius without knowing exactly what to say (which was pretty much what Sirius was going to do).

But what really struck a chord in Sirius was that even after being pretty much assaulted with too much information the night before, Remus was mainly preoccupied in his, Sirius’, wellbeing. He wasn’t upset because he had lied to them or because he may have screwed up the timeline; he was concerned because maybe Sirius didn’t feel comfortable with having told him.

“Okay…” Sirius scrunched up his face in concentration, inhaled deeply and then exhaled. “Well… I died and I woke up in our dormitory, in my bed. At first I thought I was going crazy, maybe this was my version of heaven or whatever happened before death, right? But then I heard, er, I mean, something happened and I realized I was back and everything was so messed up, I didn’t know what to do.”

Sirius mentally slapped himself for nearly giving away the fact that what had triggered him in the first place had been seeing James, and hoped that Remus wouldn’t press on his hesitation.

“Er, and, what happened before you died? I mean, not how, but was there anything uncommon about the situation?”

Remus looked so clueless that Sirius couldn’t help chuckling. “Well yeah, the whole situation was totally unusual, but there was something…” he paused trying to evoke the last sensation he had before waking up in Hogwarts. “I was falling, I distinctly remember falling and trying so hard to stop it. I remember a pressure in my chest, it felt like something was going to crush me. I remember thinking I didn’t wanna die and then I did.”

The werewolf looked dumbfounded and shook his head gently. “But you didn’t?”

“Exactly.”

They exchanged a defeated glance and looked at the horizon thoughtfully. Sirius couldn’t keep still and started pulling out strands of grass to keep his hands busy. This went on for fifteen minutes and Moony still hadn’t moved. Maybe it was something he got from Padfoot, but Sirius could not be still for too long, so he lied down on the ground and settled his head in Moony’s lap.

Remus wasn’t immediately startled out of his musings, but he stroked Sirius’ hair absentmindedly anyway. The animagus calmed down instantly and closed his eyes, waiting for his friend to get to a conclusion. He must’ve fallen asleep a bit because he was startled awake by the werewolf’s voice.

“Bloody hell, Padfoot. Only you get yourself into this shite.”

Sirius laughed at his friend’s frustration and Remus grinned, refusing to be bested by something as arbitrary as time. “So your conscience travelled in time to your past self without your consent or knowledge?”

“Yeah, but I’d already gotten that far, Moony. What else can you tell me?”

“Well, I don’t have all the information, but if there wasn’t a time turner involved, then I’m not sure what else could’ve happened.”

“Er, well… I kinda… fell through the Veil in the Death Chamber.”

Remus was silent for only a beat. “The Death Chamber in the Ministry?”

“Yeah?”

Sirius held his breath, prepared for whatever Remus was going to hit him with, but the werewolf started laughing, albeit rather hysterically.

“And you didn’t think that the fact that you were killed by falling through an arch that no one has been able to understand, that is the sole reason the Ministry was built in London in the first place, was relevant at all?”

Sirius burst into laughter along with Remus. They laughed longer than was necessary, but afterwards Sirius felt lighter.

“Well, I thought it would be giving away too much.”

“Sirius, that arch has been there since before the Ministry. Unspeakables have been studying it for centuries because they think it’s the key to understanding Death. I’d bet what little money I have that that is what brought you back. We just have to find out what for.”

“Why would there be a reason?”

“Well, I have the theory that _Death_ -“ the man did quotation marks with his fingers “-sent you back for a reason, and by completing whatever it wants you to do, it would send you back to your present.”

“Really?”

“Well, that or you disappear into non-being so that your 16 year old conscience comes back? Honestly, it’s all conjecture, I’m not sure about anything.”

Sirius sighed audibly. “I guess we have homework?”

Remus sighed too and massaged his temples. “Indeed we do.”

* * *

 

“Crap, who would’ve thought being a student was actually a bad thing when you’re doing research?” Sirius put down the third book of the evening with a sigh. “I mean, if we could be able to use the library in the Ministry it would be so much easier!”

“Well, we were lucky enough to get a pass for the Restricted Section from Dumbledore. Good luck convincing the Minister to lend you a few of his books. Maybe you could flirt him into giving you permission to raid his library.”

“Oh, I’d never do that, Moony. I know you get jealous when I flirt with other blokes.”

Remus was about to retort but instead hid his flushed face behind a tome of “ _Time As A Theory_ ”. Sirius just smirked at his friend and settled his forehead on the book he had been reading for the past hour and a half. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply in an attempt to stop the mild pounding in his head. The book smelt of leather and he was starting to associate the scent with Moony.

They had been holed up in the library every spare moment they had for the last three weeks. At first James and Peter had thought it was a joke, but as time wore on they got pretty bored of tagging along and eventually stopped following them. Sirius felt somewhat guilty about not spending more time with James, but Remus had been right, he had to know what had happened to him.

The werewolf had noticed how differently Sirius treated the other Marauders. The pride and excitement in his eyes when James accomplished something, the way he had started avoiding Peter. In the beginning, he had chalked it up to Sirius’ more erratic mood swings, but after Halloween he had stopped questioning him and just started to roll with it. Remus was smart and Sirius was sure that he had figured out that it had to do with the future.

Things with Remus were, well, normal? Sirius had always been a flirt, but had Moony always played along? He couldn’t remember the exact nature of his relationship with the werewolf in his original timeline. It was starting to get confusing. It wasn’t so much what they said to each other, but the way they just clicked (and James’ smirks weren’t helping much either).  

“Remy? It’s late and if I read another page I’m gonna go blind. I think I’m calling it a night.”

Remus chortled and put down his book. “Actually, I was thinking we could grab a bite from the kitchens. We’ve been working nonstop, I think we deserve a break.”

“Now that’s more like it!”

They packed up their things, put the books back on the shelves and headed down to the kitchens.

As they sat in there drinking hot chocolate and eating cauldron cakes, Remus was happily chatting away with a few house elves and Sirius couldn’t think of anything other than how happy he was to not be alone anymore.

* * *

 

“Hurry up, Padfoot!”

“Are you sure there isn’t anyone around here? Let me check the map.”

“Of course I double checked. I’m not an amateur, Sirius. Geez.”

Sirius rolled his eyes at James. He really needed to stop being so soft with the git. It was after midnight and they were running around the castle with James’ Invisibility Cloak. This is exactly what he used to chide Harry about. All because of James and his stupid puppy dog eyes. Man, when had he gotten so good at those?

“Who shall do the honours this time?”

James smirked at him. “I think I’ll give you the honours, but only if you use them to start with the Slytherin’s hourglass.”

“It offends me that you’d think I would use the honours on any other hourglass, James.”

They chuckled silently and Sirius was about to utter the charm when they heard a noise come from the stairs. After years of wandering around the castle, the Marauders had agreed it was better to be safe than sorry, so he and James made themselves as small as possible, held their breath and waited for the source of the sound to go away.

But the footsteps became even louder and if he tried hard enough, he could make out the words. Surely not students, they’d be quieter. Teachers? Maybe a Prefect?

 “Are you sure, Lily?”

“Well, we don’t lose anything by checking.”

The voices sounded familiar and sure enough, Lily Evans and Remus Lupin strolled into the Entrance Hall. Both their wands were lit and it looked like they were searching for something.

“There’s nobody here, Lily. Your informant was wrong.”

Lily huffed. “Ugh. Oh well. Let’s just take five and go back to the Common Room. If Wesley wants longer rounds he can do them himself. I’m exhausted.”

Sirius and James looked at each other and shrugged. It looked like they’d have to wait the couple out.

The prefects sat on the Grand Staircase and waited in silence for a while until the redhead interrupted it with a mischievous tone.

“Soooo… how long have you and Black been dating?”

Remus and Sirius both startled at the question and Sirius found himself hanging onto the silence between them, waiting for his friend’s answer. Had he not been so concentrated on Moony, maybe he would’ve noticed James’ smug grin and the way Lily kept glancing towards the hourglasses.

“We’re not dating, Lils”

Remus’ tone had a certain finality to it and maybe a hint of disappointment? Lily’s expression had gone from playful to solemn.

“But you kinda wish you were, right?”

Remus sighed deeply and nodded.

“It’s…complicated. More than it should be. Don’t get me wrong, I love him, he’s one of my best mates, I just don’t want to ruin things. He needs his friend, not some moon-eyed idiot. So yeah, it is what it is.”

Lily heaved a sigh and placed her arm around Remus. “Black loves you too, Remus. Whether it’s complicated or not.”

They sat together for a while, Remus’ head on Lily’s shoulder until the werewolf stood up abruptly, wiping his eyes with his right sleeve. “Let’s just go to bed, Lils.”

The girl nodded and followed Remus back to the Common Room. Once they were gone for sure, Sirius felt James pinch him.

“Mate, you okay?”

“Er, yeah, totally. Don’t worry about it.”

“Pads, wanna talk about it?”

“I’m okay, Prongs. Come on, let’s change the colours on the hourglasses and go.”

* * *

 

As soon as they had gotten to the Common Room, Remus had bid Lily good night and went up to the boy’s dormitory. She had stayed behind and curled up on the couch by the fireplace waiting for James and Sirius to come back, hoping she wouldn’t fall asleep.

She must’ve failed because about half an hour later someone was shaking her awake and whispering anxiously.

“Lils, hey, I’m back. Wake up!”

“Hmph, what? What happened?”

James supressed a chuckle. Her hair was probably all over the place and her eyes were struggling to stay focused.

“Our plan worked! Well, sort of. Did Remus say anything else on the way back?”

The girl shook her head and rubbed her eyes as she sat up. “No, he just acted all elusive and went to bed. What about Black?”

“I told him he could talk to me about anything, but he said everything was alright and shut me out. Damn, for two smart people they really are stupid.”

“Well, there’s not much we can do if they won’t cooperate. I guess we’ll just have to let nature run its course.”

“Or…”

“We are not locking them in a broom cupboard, Potter.”

James looked at her with his best puppy-dog eyes and arranged his head on her lap for added effect. She felt warmth bubble up within her at the boy’s pout and rewarded him with a friendly smile while playing thoughtlessly with his hair.

They stayed like that for a while, James drifting off to sleep, until Lily started trying to comb it.

“No no no! Not the hair, Evans!” he said, attempting to get away from the redhead’s hold, arms flailing and accidently falling on the floor.

“I’ve wanted to do that for ages. I feel like I can finally die in peace.”

James sniffed and acted offended but Lily just laughed at him. She didn’t quite regret the hint of a smile that appeared in the corner of James’ mouth or the way his eyes widened when she laughed. _Damn. Get a hold of yourself, Evans._

“So, er, I’m going to bed. Good night, Potter.”

She stood up briskly and walked towards the girl’s staircase willing the blush that was forming on her cheeks to go away. She thought she heard James mumble something, but was too embarrassed to check.

Lily went to bed as soon as she got into her dorm and even though she tried to think of ways to help Remus and Sirius get together, her last thought was of James’ sheepish smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaaaaay, another chapter! Damn, you guys must hate me for interrupting your life with bad writing. JAJJAJAJA


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